Matt vs Kevin: Bread Wins by a Crust
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Matt @TheBread NonDenominationalMcCaffry 120.60
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Kevin @kbartelt07 Lamb to the Slaughter 117.34
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In a Roo-on-Roo nail-biter, Matt’s NonDenominationalMcCaffry edged Kevin’s Lamb to the Slaughter by a whisker, 120.60–117.34. It was a grind-it-out special where every dink, dunk, and dull yard somehow mattered—like watching bread rise, only with more screaming.
WINNER’S SPOTLIGHT: Matt rode a balanced plate—Christian McCaffrey and Kimani Vidal did the heavy kneading, Breece Hall and Puka Nacua added just enough butter, and even Andre Szmyt chipped in the garnish. Not glamorous, but hey, a win’s a win—and the playoff pew stays warm.
LOSER’S LOWLIGHT: Kevin got a legit push from Emeka Egbuka, Alec Pierce, and Josh Allen, but the backfield went lukewarm and the bench teased with points that didn’t make the lineup. Turns out “Lamb to the Slaughter” is a risky brand when the butcher’s closed on Sundays.
FINAL VERDICT: Matt wins by a crust—just enough to keep the loaf intact—while Kevin leaves muttering about kickers, fate, and carb-heavy heartbreak.
Casey vs Alex: Tuah Keeps the Tets in Check
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Casey @coachrockwood Hawk Tuah Tagoviaola 124.00
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Alex @chookonthecoast Get your Tets out 108.94
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In a Roo Conference showdown with all the subtlety of a bar fight, Casey’s Hawk Tuah Tagoviaola took down Alex’s Get your Tets out 124–108.94. It wasn’t a blowout, but Casey spit enough firepower to keep the Tets at bay and reclaim bragging rights.
WINNER’S SPOTLIGHT: Casey’s Tuah found its swagger again thanks to Drake London’s 24.4-point outburst, Kyren Williams’ relentless 22.4 on the ground, and a reliable kicker in Cameron Dicker polishing it off. When the Roo offense hums, it hums loud.
LOSER’S LOWLIGHT: Alex’s Get your Tets out had bright spots from Nico Collins and Rico Dowdle, but the rest of the lineup looked like it forgot what a fantasy point was. Lamar Jackson underwhelmed, and RJ Harvey might’ve been playing with oven mitts on.
FINAL VERDICT: Casey wins ugly, proving once again that the Tuahquake doesn’t need style points—just wins. Alex leaves the field wondering if “Get your Tets out” applies to his bench next week instead.
Benny vs Jack: The Bijan Breakdown
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Benny @TheJoker10 Run Bijan Run 🏃🏿➡️ 180.88
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Jack @givethemtheD givethemtheD 195.80
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In a cocaine-fueled Roo shootout, Jack’s givethemtheD dropped nearly 200 on Benny’s Run Bijan Run 🏃🏿➡️, winning 195.8–180.88 in one of the highest-scoring matchups of the season. Forget defense — this was pure fireworks from whistle to whistle.
WINNER’S SPOTLIGHT: Jack unleashed a three-headed monster of Jonathan Taylor (48.6), Jahmyr Gibbs (38.2), and TreVeyon Henderson (28) — all running wild and trampling over any hope Benny had of survival. Even Jared Goff kept things steady with a cool 24.8.
LOSER’S LOWLIGHT: Benny’s Run Bijan Run ran fast enough, but not far enough. De’Von Achane’s 40.5 explosion and Trey McBride’s 27.7 heroics weren’t enough to overcome a kicker with one measly point and a bench full of unrealized potential.
FINAL VERDICT: Jack delivers the upset of the week and officially reminds Roo Conference that he still has something to give. Benny’s playoff push takes a dent, but if you’re going to lose, might as well do it in style.
Tyler vs Woody: Mahomewrecked by a woodchipper
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Tyler @Nardlet8 Mahomewreckers 125.12
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Woody @Wt8737 Wt8737 133.80
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What started as a friendly Roo Conference tussle turned into a mild upset, as Woody’s Wt8737 out-lasted Tyler’s Mahomewreckers 133.8-125.12 in a grind-it-out affair that left both squads needing a nap.
WINNER’S SPOTLIGHT: Woody rode solid efforts across the board — Diggs and Waddle both balled out, and Denver’s D slammed the door shut late. Josh Jacobs kept his offense alive, doing just enough to make all the difference in the Monday night comeback.
LOSER’S LOWLIGHT: Tyler’s Mahomewreckers couldn’t cash in on their chances. Tyler Warren and Tyler Loop led the team (yep, the Tylers), but Keenan Allen was a ghost while Mahomes watched from home — the ultimate irony.
FINAL VERDICT: Woody rises from the depths with a much-needed Roo win, while Tyler heads home wondering if the Mahomewreckers need some serious home repairs.
Mitch vs Lucas: Purdy Enough To Handle the Griddy Grind
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Mitch @MGuinness92 My Team is Purdy 110.9
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Lucas @ArmedRodgery21 Griddy Griddy Bang Bang 90.82
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Mitch’s My Team is Purdy showed poise and control, grounding Lucas’s Griddy Griddy Bang Bang in a Roo-on-Roo slugfest that was more grind than glam.
WINNER’S SPOTLIGHT: Mitch rode steady play from his rookies and veterans — Stafford, Kittle, and Jeanty — and didn’t need fireworks to pull ahead. With balance and a bit of luck,
LOSER’S LOWLIGHT: Lucas’ Griddy Griddy Bang Bang once again couldn’t find consistency. Chris Olave did his part with 21, but weak QB play and a dud from Brock Bowers a week after his legendary 40 pointer sealed the fate. It’s getting late for the Bang Bang gang.
FINAL VERDICT: Mitch keeps Roo Conference on their toes with another gritty win — while Lucas might want to rename his squad “Griddy Griddy Dang Dang… Oof.”
Caleb vs Jess: Pegleg Pummels the Pastry Princess
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Caleb @thatguyPegleg thatguyPegleg 144.94
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Jess @Jessicoot Jessicoot 95.22
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In a rare Eagle-on-Eagle beatdown, Caleb’s thatguyPegleg blew the feathers off Jess’s Jessicoot with a 50-point statement. The Pegleg cannons fired early and never stopped, leaving Jess’s pastry empire half-baked by Sunday afternoon.
WINNER’S SPOTLIGHT: Caleb’s thatguyPegleg got MVP-level work from Trey McBride (27.7) and Emeka Egbuka (23.5), while Josh Allen calmly steered the ship. Even Jason Myers chipped in double digits for dessert.
LOSER’S LOWLIGHT: Jess’s Jessicoot couldn’t keep pace. Jalen Hurts underwhelmed, causing A.J. Brown to ghost almost entirely, and her defense almost forgot to show up at all. Bench hero Jared Goff watched from the sidelines wondering why he even suited up.
FINAL VERDICT: Caleb flexed, strutted, and made a statement in the Eagle ranks — while Jess learned that sometimes, the only thing worse than having a Pegleg… is getting stomped by one.
Shannon vs Christian: Burnt Baked Goods Torch the Timbers
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Shannon @shanzo43 Burnt Baked Goods 187.92
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Christian @seachicken22 Kittle me timbers 126.22
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The ovens were preheated and the smoke alarms were screaming — Shannon’s Burnt Baked Goods turned up the heat in Week 9, absolutely cooking Christian’s Kittle me timbers in am Eagle showdown that wasn’t even close.
WINNER’S SPOTLIGHT: Shannon’s Burnt Baked Goods baked perfection across the board — De’Von Achane (40.5) and Jahmyr Gibbs (38.2) combined for enough fantasy points to give someone diabeetus. Drake London and Marvin Harrison added just enough flavor to make this blowout extra sweet.
LOSER’S LOWLIGHT: Christian’s Kittle me timbers were chopped down early. Patrick Mahomes watched on horrified from home as Bijan Robinson and Ashton Jeanty combined for just 25 points. Oronde Gadsden’s 4.3 at TE was about as sturdy as a wet paper mast. Not even Woody Marks modest effort could steady this sinking ship. When your opponent drops nearly 190, there’s no frosting to cover that mess.
FINAL VERDICT: Shannon didn’t just win — he dominated. Burnt Baked Goods rose to the occasion, while Kittle me timbers crumbled like stale biscuits leaving Eagle Conference to wonder if it may need a new fire code after that performance.
Andrew vs Jacob: WheelBurrow Keeps Rolling, Queens Latest To Be Crushed
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Andrew @Robo1189 WheelBurrow blown tyre 136.1
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Jacob @queens22 queens22 94.1
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The top seed stayed firmly planted this week as Andrew’s WheelBurrow blown tyre flattened Jacob’s queens22 without mercy. What started as a casual drive turned into an off-road demolition, leaving Jacob in need of roadside assistance.
WINNER’S SPOTLIGHT: Andrew’s WheelBurrow blown tyre kept it steady with Puka Nacua (17.4), Jaxon Smith-Njigba (20.3), and a surprisingly stable Zach Ertz (9.4). But it was Christian McCaffrey’s 17.6 and D’Andre Swift’s burst that kept the tread strong on the path to 7–2.
LOSER’S LOWLIGHT: Jacob’s queens22 was stuck in neutral. DJ Moore and Brock Bowers sputtered, and then finished the day on life support, while Bo Nix had less points than Rob Gronkowski’s IQ. Ladd McConkey tried (20.7), but it was too little, too late.
FINAL VERDICT: The WheelBurrow keeps rolling and shows no signs of slowing down. queens22 has heart — but this week, it got run over by a McCaffrey-sized tire.
Venice vs Reece: JT MVP Runs the Table
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Venice @vpettijohnjr JT MVP 169.68
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Reece @Revoke The Four Horsemen 119.7
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It was a statement win for Venice’s JT MVP, as Jonathan Taylor finally lived up to the team name — and then some. Reece’s The Four Horsemen were left riding donkeys this week, unable to rein in the 169-point stampede.
WINNER’S SPOTLIGHT: Venice’s lineup exploded behind Jonathan Taylor (48.6) and George Kittle (23.4), while Kyren Williams (22.4) piled on the pain. Even with Rachaad White barely trotting, this one was over early.
LOSER’S LOWLIGHT: Reece’s The Four Horsemen never found a rhythm. RJ Harvey (3.8) and Jacory Croskey-Merritt (3) combined for fewer points than Venice’s kicker. Not the apocalypse, but not far off.
FINAL VERDICT: JT MVP is back in the saddle and galloping up the standings. The Four Horsemen need a resurrection — or at the very least some extra horsepower.
Adam vs Joseph: Biggums Bakes The Cakes Like Crack
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Adam @adamgum Tyrone Tracy Biggums 103.14
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Joseph @jcconnor Drakes cakes 95.6
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It wasn’t flashy, but Adam’s Tyrone Tracy Biggums did enough to out-grind Joseph’s Drakes cakes in a low-calorie, high-stress affair. Biggums stayed steady while the Cakes crumbled late.
WINNER’S SPOTLIGHT: Adam leaned on Kimani Vidal (17.8) and Amon-Ra St. Brown (16.8) to carry the scoring load, with Rico Dowdle also showing up to the cookout. It wasn’t gourmet, but it was filling.
LOSER’S LOWLIGHT: Joseph’s Drakes cakes had a couple of tasty bites from Nico Collins (22.6) and Breece Hall (19.5), but the rest of the lineup left the oven cold — and Garrett Wilson burned the batch with a 0 after his early exit due to injury.
FINAL VERDICT: Tyrone Tracy Biggums stays alive in the playoff chase while Drakes cakes are officially nearing their expiration date.
Click here to view the live Pro League standings after Week 9
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